August 28, 2007: Day 1
Took out a pile of 10 mg pills and cut them in half to make 5 mg pills. Took out another pile and cut them into 2.5 mg quarters. It's not an exact science, but I figure that the errors either way will average out over the course of a couple days.
Placed the 5 mg pills and the 2.5 mg pills into separate labeled containers.
Swallowed one 5 mg pill and one 2.5 mg pill for my first 7.5 mg day.
So far, so good.
Week #1
Still hunky dory. Sleeping for 8 hours, felt fine waking up for the first few days. More difficult towards the end of the week. Screaming migraine on day 2. Sweating all day on day 3.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
BIG first post.
I am not a doctor nor am I an expert on SSRIs. This blog is here to share my experience with Lexapro withdrawl and to share some of the information that I have found since researching it.
Lexapro is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). This means that while you are on it, it keeps your synapses full of serotonin, keeping your receiving neurons constantly stimulated, making you feel groovy. Great for depression! From the Wikipedia article:
I've been taking Lexapro for about 3 years now for clinical depression. Maybe 4. Too lazy to look up when I started taking it. Nevertheless, I am hoping that I still have the chance to recover -- from what it has done to me and from the withdrawl syndrome that I am expecting. I have been on a 10 mg dosage since the 3rd week, after a 5 mg startup. I have resisted increasing my dosage, even though my doctor recommended an increase. The 10 mg dose has always done the job of eliminating my irrational feelings of sadness and isolation. I still get plenty of anxiety though, maybe more than before the pill. Then again, there are probably other factors influencing that, such as my choice to stay home and take care of my kid instead of work. My doctor wanted to raise my dosage when I was complaining about my PMS. I told her that I'd rather take a xanax or two the week I'm PMSing, rather than take a higher dosage of Lexapro for the entire month.
So. What has Lexapro done that is so bad?
First of all, along with lifting your otherwise low spirits, Lexapro also seems to smoosh down your highs. Eventually, you're just sailing along so smoothly that you've forgotten what it's like to be really happy or motivated. An emotional zombie.
It also does weird things to your sleep. When I first went on it, I had a few weeks of intensely vivid dreams. And I was sleeping more. Alot more. I used to lay awake many nights, staring at the ceiling, running through lists and conversations in my head, unable to turn-off my brain. On Lexapro, all that went away. A welcome relief. Lately though, I've been sleeping more and more. Like over 10 hours per night, having vivid dreams again in the late hours of the morning. Unable to fully wake up, I would start thinking about the dream I just had and would slip right back into it. So strange. Just the thought of the dream would send me back into REM sleep.
During a previous withdrawl attempt, my dreams started coming to me WHILE I WAS AWAKE. It was the strangest sensation. I'd be doing something somewhere, and suddenly I'd get a vivid picture in my head from one of my dreams. Seems some nerve firing (REM sleep brain activity?) was going on at the wrong time. This really scared me, as I began wondering how this stuff was rewiring my brain.
While on Lexapro, your libido goes bye-bye. Some people become incapable of orgasm. Could you imagine??!! Sometimes it is permanent. Holy crap.
I read an article somewhere (need to find it again and link it here) that listed some of the effects SSRIs had on rats. After prolonged dosage and subsequent brain autopsy, it seems that the rats had lost many of their serotonin receptors. LOST. M-O-O-N: That spells BRAIN DAMAGE. Is this permanent? How has my brain changed since taking this drug?
I really hope that there is still hope of recovery. Better yet, I hope that I have nothing to recover from. I won't know for at least a year. I understand that withdrawl is a nightmare, and some people just can't do it. The reactions are described as "intolerable." Yay. My doctor swore to me that Lexapro is totally safe and that there were very minimal side effects, even when coming off of it. I just wish I had the sense to look into it myself back then.
So. In order to hopefully ease the pain of going through this, I plan on weaning as slowly as possible. Starting at 10 mg, I'm going down to 7.5 mg for at least two weeks, then down to 5 mg and down from there. I might consider getting Lexapro in the liquid form if I need to reduce in smaller increments.
I am using this blog to track my progress, and will list everything that I feel could be relevant to the cause. I am also going to make a point of waking up after 8 hours of sleep.
Lexapro is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). This means that while you are on it, it keeps your synapses full of serotonin, keeping your receiving neurons constantly stimulated, making you feel groovy. Great for depression! From the Wikipedia article:
In the central nervous system, serotonin is believed to play an important role in the regulation of anger, aggression, body temperature, mood, sleep, vomiting, sexuality, and appetite. Low levels of serotonin may be associated with several disorders, namely increase in aggressive and angry behaviors, clinical depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), migraine, irritable bowel syndrome, tinnitus, fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders[citation needed] and intense religious experiences[1].
I've been taking Lexapro for about 3 years now for clinical depression. Maybe 4. Too lazy to look up when I started taking it. Nevertheless, I am hoping that I still have the chance to recover -- from what it has done to me and from the withdrawl syndrome that I am expecting. I have been on a 10 mg dosage since the 3rd week, after a 5 mg startup. I have resisted increasing my dosage, even though my doctor recommended an increase. The 10 mg dose has always done the job of eliminating my irrational feelings of sadness and isolation. I still get plenty of anxiety though, maybe more than before the pill. Then again, there are probably other factors influencing that, such as my choice to stay home and take care of my kid instead of work. My doctor wanted to raise my dosage when I was complaining about my PMS. I told her that I'd rather take a xanax or two the week I'm PMSing, rather than take a higher dosage of Lexapro for the entire month.
So. What has Lexapro done that is so bad?
First of all, along with lifting your otherwise low spirits, Lexapro also seems to smoosh down your highs. Eventually, you're just sailing along so smoothly that you've forgotten what it's like to be really happy or motivated. An emotional zombie.
It also does weird things to your sleep. When I first went on it, I had a few weeks of intensely vivid dreams. And I was sleeping more. Alot more. I used to lay awake many nights, staring at the ceiling, running through lists and conversations in my head, unable to turn-off my brain. On Lexapro, all that went away. A welcome relief. Lately though, I've been sleeping more and more. Like over 10 hours per night, having vivid dreams again in the late hours of the morning. Unable to fully wake up, I would start thinking about the dream I just had and would slip right back into it. So strange. Just the thought of the dream would send me back into REM sleep.
During a previous withdrawl attempt, my dreams started coming to me WHILE I WAS AWAKE. It was the strangest sensation. I'd be doing something somewhere, and suddenly I'd get a vivid picture in my head from one of my dreams. Seems some nerve firing (REM sleep brain activity?) was going on at the wrong time. This really scared me, as I began wondering how this stuff was rewiring my brain.
While on Lexapro, your libido goes bye-bye. Some people become incapable of orgasm. Could you imagine??!! Sometimes it is permanent. Holy crap.
I read an article somewhere (need to find it again and link it here) that listed some of the effects SSRIs had on rats. After prolonged dosage and subsequent brain autopsy, it seems that the rats had lost many of their serotonin receptors. LOST. M-O-O-N: That spells BRAIN DAMAGE. Is this permanent? How has my brain changed since taking this drug?
I really hope that there is still hope of recovery. Better yet, I hope that I have nothing to recover from. I won't know for at least a year. I understand that withdrawl is a nightmare, and some people just can't do it. The reactions are described as "intolerable." Yay. My doctor swore to me that Lexapro is totally safe and that there were very minimal side effects, even when coming off of it. I just wish I had the sense to look into it myself back then.
So. In order to hopefully ease the pain of going through this, I plan on weaning as slowly as possible. Starting at 10 mg, I'm going down to 7.5 mg for at least two weeks, then down to 5 mg and down from there. I might consider getting Lexapro in the liquid form if I need to reduce in smaller increments.
I am using this blog to track my progress, and will list everything that I feel could be relevant to the cause. I am also going to make a point of waking up after 8 hours of sleep.
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